In case you have forgotten what I look like, you’ll be happy to know that the September* issue of Official Xbox Magazine** has an article about the wonderful team that’s working on Bioshock 2. There’s even two photos that I managed to sneak into***. So, be sure to go to your local newsstand**** and pick up the magazine***** that looks like the image to the left.******

* Yes, it’s the September issue. I don’t get how magazines distort the space-time continuum so frequently. I picked up the magazine a week ago and I’m pretty sure it was still July.
** Oh man, it would have totally fulfilled a childhood dream if there was a picture of me in Nintendo Power, but alas, Official Xbox Magazine will have to do.
*** One of the photos is like a Where’s Waldo. Don’t be sad if you can’t find me.
**** Who still goes to a newsstand?! Why isn’t spellcheck flagging ‘newsstand’ as not a real word?!?
***** The magazine is $10, I won’t cry if you don’t actually pick it up. If you do pick it up though, you’ll get a neat disc filled with Xbox demos.
****** I just wanted to make this post longer.

I have to end the suspense, I’ve received two many emails and instant messages about this. As you can no doubt tell since you’re well versed in video games and all that, the picture above is that of a Big Daddy from last year’s critastically well reviewed Bioshock. I have accepted a job at 2K Marin to work on the sequel.

I was going to hold out and post this later but Andrew “I only post Valve-related humor on my website anymore” Burke is coming to town this weekend and I would probably have forgotten about this. Then Amila would be mad and that’d be no good.

It’s pretty neat, I wanted to work on a film and I got to do that at DNA. I wanted to work at a LucasFilm company since 1999 and I was able to do that. One of my favorite art styles is Art Deco so I’ll get to work on a project in which that’s featured. I think after this I will simply have to retire as there’s nothing left in the world that could possibly inspire me.

Oh, and my car is dark gray. Also, I counted the buttons today, there are over four hundred and ninety six thousand on the dashboard alone.

Echochrome – click to play the video

Beautiful Katamari – click to play the video

Guitar Hero 3 – click to play the video

LittleBigPlanet – click to play the video

Assassin’s Creed – click to play the video

Burnout Paradise – click to play the video

Skate – click to play the video

Going into the whole Guitar Hero rock-a-thon, I mentioned how I was a bit nervous, nervous because Burke stood a good chance of winning. When the comments started pouring in though, I went from nervous to concerned. A lot of my friends were very much admirers of Burke’s crotch. Then Robocop voted against me. I was in shock at that point. I mean Robocop, we’ve been friends since before he was big. I was just in awe.

When my friend Alex returned from his trip to Paris I mentioned how I couldn’t believe that both he and Robocop voted against me. Alex was equally as shocked as me because he had never voted. After some digging into the fraud I found that Burke was actually the one voting as Alex and Robocop! Deceit! I guess this is what happens when you allow Canadians to vote in a purely democratic American contest.

So, not only did I win in the polls, but I have trounced him in score and for this I submit my undeniable evidence.

Thanks to all who voted, especially Sheldon who contributed so colorfully.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous going into this. But a challenge has been set forth and I have my Guitar Hero-ness to defend. Though Burke is clearly rocking in this photo, aren’t I rocking just a bit more. And when I say “bit,” I mean “doesn’t Burke like a pansy compared to my pure rocking awesomeness.”

I am the Guitar Hero.

I rocked through songs from the 70s, 80s and 90s. I rocked out to Guns N’ Roses, Van Halen, Iron Maiden and even Spinal Tap. But that wasn’t enough. The crowd wanted more. They cried for Free Bird and I rocked them so hard that a UFO picked me and flew me away into the stars. It was epic, even for a Guitar Hero like me.

I rock.

On medium at least. Hard is hard :(

I’ve just heard that 83 people have been holed up in a mall in Willamette, Colorado. My understanding is that there are some zombies in the area or something along those lines. Don’t worry, I’ll save them.

I’m going to hire a helicopter pilot to drop me in and I will save them all. Whether I use a shotgun, a chainsaw or a cream pie, I will be sure to go in and make sure all these people survive this ordeal. Oh yes. I will. At least I will after Carolyn goes to bed.

Dead Rising is now on store shelves. Well, hopefully. It may have sold out. Go get it now. Yay.

about six months ago, i wrote a quick little article decrying the xbox 2′s pathetic existence. so now i would like to set the record straight. or at least give a current summary of the situation. you know… because everyone seemed to be asking me about it… they were like, “hey pj, why don’t you pontificate about the xbox 2 on your webpage?” well sir, this if for you.

overall, not much has changed with the xbox 2. had i not gotten it as a present, i would still be holding off on buying it. there is still a massive dearth of games. because of that, currently i have only three games. i received one game as a gift, one game for 2/3 off from a co-worker that i have yet to play and one game that i payed full price for which was a mistake. so software-wise, the xbox 2 really isn’t cleaning up on me. in the immediate future i am looking forward to three games. that’s for the entire year, three whole games. so yeah, not exactly a stellar lineup here. however, i’m finding i am playing my xbox 2 nearly every single day. and that’s where this article is heading.

1. xbox live arcade – XBLA (abbreviating not because i’m lame and think i’m hip but because it’s faster to type (that is, unless i comment about why i abbreviated it (*sigh*))) is awesome. plain and simple. awesome. it’s by far the #1 use of my xbox 2. xbox 2 games by and large are stupidly over-complex, stupidly overly “cinematic,” stupidly single player, stupidly expensive and take stupidly long to be enjoyable. they _are_ fun, but you have to invest for that payoff. XBLA games are the exact opposite of all that. they’re mindless, they’re quick, they’re immediately enjoyable and they’re cheap. you can even download demos of every single game that are amazingly full-featured. when you do buy one of the $5-10 games, you get no intro cinematics, no need to use all twelve buttons on the gamepad, no unskippable EA logo being displayed for two minutes, you just get pure fun.

i love XBLA games. here’s the kicker though, so does my girlfriend. the last time she visited, she stole my controller and we almost didn’t leave the apartment because she was playing uno, hexic, astropop and bejeweled. when i get home, i don’t necessarily want to sit down and play through a two hour long quest in oblivion. no, i want to preheat my oven and play a quick game to relax before i pop in dinner. i love it.

and yes, i realize that this is apparently the type of game that the nintendo revolution will be targeting. it’ll prove to be interesting.

2. xbox live – playing console games online is sweet. there’s no more worrying about upgrading my video card or having the right drivers or anything like that. i just pop in the disc and play. the built-in voicechat is essential for co-op missions and it’s handy for catching up with friends. when i was in high school, i could go over to a friend’s place and play goldeneye with him and the rest of the crew. now however, and especially because of the DNA layoffs, my friends are all over the country. it’s great to put my headset on, look like a complete dork, and play co-op games online with them. it’s great to be able to catch up and act like we’re sitting in the same room. and there’s no hurdles or hoops to jump through, it just works.

3. xbox live marketplace – so last in the triumvirate of the xbox live suite is marketplace. marketplace is where you can download demos, movie trailers, expansion packs for games and “more!” demos keep this thing alive for me. demos of the XBLA games or demos of upcoming games, it doesn’t matter. it’s such terrific fun to download new content so easily. also, during e3, it was great to be able to download the just-released e3 demos. some of the demos that were being played in LA were immediately available to me for free in my living room (most generic statement ever). it’s convenient to be able to download HD trailers and play them directly on my HD tv instead of viewing them on my 12″ laptop screen. if i were 10-15 years younger (or burke), they even have silly gamer pictures and themes and music videos from awful artists.

so after all this praise, i’m going to end it with some more criticism/rants.

1. games – holy crap, why are there only a handful of non-XBLA games that are actually good out for the system?! where’s my guitar hero and katamari damacy?! where’s my monkey island and master blaster?! where’s my doukutsu?!?!

2. dashboard UI – as much as i love the xbox dashboard and all it’s access to live stuff, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE outsource the UI to Apple. every single option is buried behind 40 other options. my phone handles deleting multiple files better than my xbox 2. oh wait, my xbox 2 doesn’t even support multiple file deletion.

3. SIMPLIFY – my last point is similar to my second and it’s aimed at mostly developers, but SIMPLIFY. it takes so damned long to start a non-XBLA game it’s staggering. you have to sign into your profile, you have to create a game account for saves, you have to go on a scavenger hunt for bent toothpicks, then you might actually get to the options menu where you have to choose if you want to play off or online. holy crap, it’s a game, not a test. i want to play. i do not want to read your four thousand item options menu, i want to play a game. i don’t want to see your publisher’s logo, your logo, the xbox logo, the live logo, the abc logo and then a dissertation on copyright law, i want to play.

so that’s it for now.

at launch, i would have given it a C-, now i’ll give it a B or B+.

hot on the heels of burke mentioning that The Ant Bully has won the Golden Trailer award, i saw over at gamespy that they awarded the upcoming Indiana Jones game best tech demo (scroll halfway down).

other than that, i’ve been busy. busy not writing the rest of the hogan bunch dealio. busy stressing about the next part of my life which i’m looking forward to but also just stressing about. i move on saturday and i start on monday. it’s gonna be exciting times out west.

yay.

Edit: i should point out that i have not done any work on the Indiana Jones game. i’m just very excited about the work that my future co-workers have already done on it and am excited to join the team.